1. YOUR APPROACH.
If you have not talked with your spouse yet about a divorce, consider what you will say and how you will discuss this in a way that makes you feel safe. Be calm and discuss your decision in a way that does the least amount of emotional damage to you, your spouse and your children. Have an overnight bag and a place to stay in mind.
2. A PLACE TO LIVE, A BUDGET
Consider where you, your partner and your children will live. Make a budget for what will be a pared down lifestyle. Decide which accounts will be used for divorce expenses. You will need funds for legal costs and a separate living arrangement. You will need to put together a working budget of your weekly, monthly and yearly expenses.
If you are a spouse who is not working, you may need a job. Do not count on financial support. And if you are a spouse who makes the majority of the family income–regardless of gender–make certain you understand what your financial commitments to your former spouse or your children may be once a divorce is final.
Start thinking about the life you want to lead post-divorce and determine what steps you might need to take to achieve that.
3. A POST OFFICE BOX.
If you are moving to another home, consider opening a post office box so that you will not lose any important paperwork in the mail. Also, if you haven’t spoken with your spouse or filed yet, this is a good place for your legal documents to be sent so they will be secure.
4. STAY SINGLE.
Do not start a new relationship yet. If you have already, consider putting this aspect of your life on hold until after the divorce is complete. A sexual relationship outside of your marriage will become a point of contention during the divorce. Any text messages, social media accounts, emails, notes, computer records, phone calls, bills, tolltag records, iPhone location history or E-Z pass records can be used in a legal proceeding to prove infidelity.
5. MAKE A PLAN FOR THE KIDS.
If you have them, make sure you have all the issues regarding your children figured out. How you plan to tell them is important to discuss. How will you explain the situation and how will you help them cope? Who will have primary custody, where will the kids live, will schools change? What about visitation? Learn about Texas child custody laws from your Waco child custody attorney. Talk about who will pay for what for the children. If you do not plan to live in the same geographic region after the divorce is final, consider visitation options.
Refrain from speaking poorly about your spouse to your children. Remember that they are half your soon to be ex-spouse. By trashing your spouse, children will feel under attack as well. Children’s self-esteem can be seriously affected by this behavior.
6. GATHER YOUR PAPERWORK.
Collect all the documents for your divorce attorney. If you have moved to another state or are planning such a move, you will have to decide where you will file for divorce.
7. HIRE A DIVORCE ATTORNEY.
Find at least a few attorneys in your county that specialize in family law. Research their backgrounds and interview them to see which one you feel most comfortable with. It is important to chose a local lawyer because the relationships among the judges and lawyers are critically important. Local lawyers are better suited to know what judges in your area are to do in your situation and understand what arguments are most persuasive in your community.
8. GET SUPPORT.
Start talking to people who are divorced for real world examples, tips and suggestions on what is to come. Assemble a group of family and friends, who can help you through this process, either by listening or lending a hand when need be. Consider a therapist, if you haven’t already seen one, who can help you with the emotional impact of a break up. Religious organizations often offer support groups for singles, divorced and children whose parents are going through a divorce.
9. START A DIVORCE FILE.
It could become very hefty over time, depending on the length, issues and contentiousness of your legal proceedings. Try to keep it organized so that you can easily find documents for your financial, emotional or legal experts if need be.
10. KNOW WHAT YOU OWN.
Gather financial documents from insurance paperwork to house deeds. Your divorce lawyer will need a list of all your financial assets–including home equity, cars, 401Ks and liabilities–including credit card debt, mortgage, car payments. Begin by making a list of assets, debts and sources of income. Try to obtain at least 3 years of tax returns. Gather employee and retirement-benefit information and insurance documents. Make copies of everything. Start tracking expenses.
Create a record of all valuables such as jewelry, art and collectibles. Take photos. Sign up for electronic statements for all of your individual accounts. Also, be sure to change your individual account passwords so that your spouse isn’t tempted to log in to your accounts. However, do not hide money. It gives rise to dishonesty and fraud and it will be discovered in divorce. If you have reasonable grounds for concern, seek advice from a divorce attorney for how to preserve your financial assets before filing for divorce.
11. KEEP SOME PERSONAL ITEMS.
If you are leaving your home, take any personal items like photographs, jewelry or papers that have special meaning. If your break up becomes heated, or already is, you may not be able to get to those items for some time, if ever. If not, having them with you may simply provide a sense of comfort as you move forward in your new life.
12. WATCH YOUR CREDIT
Get an individual credit card if you don’t have one already, and consider freezing joint credit cards. A credit report will detail balances outstanding as well as open and closed lines of credit. This can be critical in the event a spouse tries to retaliate by running up credit balances. It can also determine if your spouse has opened accounts you are unaware of.
